Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
