I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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