I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
