At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
