I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
