Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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