My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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