you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
