dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
