Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
