if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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