Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
