hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
