Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
