Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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