So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
