Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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