if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
