Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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