The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
