so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
