i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wanna go halves on a baby?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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