I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I bet he comes in French.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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