Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
