we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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