Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
