I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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