We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
