My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
