allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
