my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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