if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
