I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
