duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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