I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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