I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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