3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
