who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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