i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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