First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he thought i was a dude.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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