New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
