I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
