You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
vagina is talking i cant
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
