i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.