Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human