did you get engaged???
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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