Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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