I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
