Christians are straight up FREAKS
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
