my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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