already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
