please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
