So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
