Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
