At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
