he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
