I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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