I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
