Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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