im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
