Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
