just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
