I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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