i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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