she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
