I'm really into asian looking animals
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
