If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
