somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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