We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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