This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
