Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
