His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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