I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
