It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
